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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Keeping On.

As you can see, I've been procrastinating posting on here for quite some time. I've been a bit nervous, see, because it's the big 100 post. Usually people make some big flashy deal about how cool they are, how they love blogging, and thanking their nonexisent fans...but I decided it should be just like any other post. I don't blog for publicity, or for "AdSense" or because everyone else is doing it. I do it to get stuff off my chest, to enter a world where I can just blab and bemoan others while sitting in sweats in the comforts of my own home. I do like my soccer sweats.

So in some patriotic, individualistic way of going against the status quo, I'm going to bore you all to tears.

I think different, don't I? Not quite sure myself how I came to that conclusion.

A lot of things have been going on recently. I guess a good portion of that has too do with the fact that it's spring. Things that confuse you, overwhelm you, disgust you, all that is included in that grand package life gives you called "high school." Those simple pressures and seemingly meaningless communique wear you down after a day or two of hopeless drama. Not that I involve myself in drama, of course.

Gah.

I'm such a sucker.

And there are those days and times where you look at yourself with revulsion. Look at me, I'm so cliche, and all that crap. Or when you talk to your friends and can't bear to say things out loud because it's then when they become somehow more solid, and very real. Those deep thoughts that float around in your head that you almost subconciously block. One question from a childhood friend and it can all come spilling out. You end up writing six page notes on physics graphing papers that you want to burn, tear, and mutilate in any way possible the minute they leave your hand. That leaves you sitting on the ground with your hood up during a thunderstorm thinking "Gosh, I really am such an idiot."

It's not like anyone expected to like electricity, or pain so much.

Except everyone before us.

But even through everything, there is always something that you can look at during the duration of what people call the day. That one thing that you could stare at unblinkingly for hours on end. Whether it be the flames licking the tiles in a fireplace, drops of dew on blushing tulips, or the tendons on your hands, that one thing captures your mind like the brush of a feather--and everything is erased. You take it willingly, let it occupy the space. No thoughts pass through during this period, rather you are frozen in cold light.

I think the perfect cure for submersion is sitting outside under a patio and in the rain, wearing your most comfy sweatshirt and reading a deep book. There is so much going on right now for me, that this is a paradise. Don't go on Facebook. Don't itiner-ate your life away. Just sit. Smell the rain. Breathe.

I also think that it's really important to keep the main picture of things in mind. It's only homework, no you're not really going to die, yes you should forgive them... Just step back, run your hands through your hair, put on RayBands (this really helps me feel less vulnerable when I'm thinking), and look at your life from the outside. If possible, involve the others around you. When you feel swept away, grab someone else and ask them what's on their mind lately. Tell them they look nice. I know that my mom works a ton, all cooped up in her office downstairs. She worries a lot. Being a designer, she is very critical of her surroundings from an artistic point of view. She whines and fiddles around with stuff in our house, trying to get the perfect arrangement of candles you can't light (?) on our mahogany mantle piece. So today after school, I pulled her out of yet another email and brought her outside onto our driveway. There was a brief break in the rain, in that gorgeous part of the day where the sun breaks through dense, silver-lined storm clouds... and you feel all clean and stuff. Well, everything in our front yard was exploding with color in bright green leaves against maroon branches, or hundreds of fresh color-schemed tulips, or a gently rusting iron crane fountain... It was all very elegantly arranged--an obvious product of my mom's nit-pickyness. Anyway, so I towed her out to our still wet driveway and faced her towards our house.

"Look Mom, you have a beautiful house."

She smiled. Then I smiled.

I'm glad I helped.

So just remember, while the sheets of water are coming down so thick that you could draw it aside like a set of curtains, remember to be undisturbed by life.

And..... Happy 100th post, anyway.

1 Love Notes:

A FRIEND said...

Very nice. Very nice.