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Just Wondered If I Could Still Do This

Looks like I can! Well, I wonder how long it will take before Hannah notices that I did this. Anyway,

 

Wait... Really?

Uh so it seems I now have ten thousand views on here, and I didn't even notice. Well, erm, thanks guys...? Whoever/where ever you are....

I finally feel ready to make another post.

I don't know why it's taken me so long---maybe because of AP tests and how my creativity and drive has been sqeeezed out of me like toothpaste---but I am now ready to make another post on this good old site for public humiliation. Ah, blogs. What do do with you.

So much has changed since that last post... So much I would never believed if you had told me back in March. Oh dear. In a way though, I'm glad that there is a gap; it sort of illustrates this change that I've been going through.

Well, I'm not moving to Boston. That's big. I thought I was going to for my senior year, but alas I am not. This probably makes me the happiest out of all of the significant things that have happened these last few months because it so elegantly ties into everything else good that has been going on in my world.

We were all so positive that we were moving, but in the course of ten minutes my whole future changed for a second time and I saw myself living here and being able to stay in this homely valley. I can't imagine any other way of being now. Believe it or not, I'm actually glad it happened, as in the whole ordeal. Sure, it was the source of a lot of stress and worry (not to mention blunt fear) but it really did so much for the better in my world. I learned so much about myself and my peers through the process, and I even made a new best friend.

Today, it is my birthday. I'm pretty sure this is the best one so far because it has been so different than the others. For one, it's the first time my birthday has been at/during school. And secondly, I got to spend some wonderful time with the best friends and family anyone could ever ask for. They're all better than I deserve, that's for sure.

In such a contrasting tone to my last post, I would like to announce to the world that I, indeed, am happy.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Denial is a curious coping method. It does more harm than help, yet somehow it's too satisfactory to leave behind. Why do we deny? With some healthy Google searching and random forums, I've come up with the following sequitur:

• "Denying is the first step to accept unpleasant facts, and it varies, some take seconds and other take years."


• "It's to painful for some to deal with; causes depression in some."


• "Cuz it suks."


• "I believe that sometimes reality just hurts people and if you deny it then you don't have to deal with it. People like to blame others and not get real with themselves, it is their coping mechanism! Very tragic but true!"


• "They would rather live a lie."


• "Sometimes people are too stubborn to accept reality because they know the reality of what really is will either be something they don't like or will hurt them terribly. No one likes feeling uncomfortable or being hurt, so we deny reality as a type of defense mechanism. "

You can sure as purple drink deny an event, but I've realized you can't deny denial. So why not face it here for the entire internet community to see? That's the spirit.

Sometimes, I lose hope.

Farewell, dreams.