Saturday, July 31, 2010

My Personal Posting Process (how quaint!)

Probably the main source of persuasion for me for semi-regular blog posting is the fact that I've set my blog as my homepage. It adds this nice, guilt-inducing, pain-in-the-neck type feel to my Internet surfing experience. When I do post, I usually like to embed a picture somewhere within my text so that each day as I click that little 'e' icon, I can see that same picture over and over, until I'm driven to tears and eventually dread and avoid this stupid DELL, being compulsed to perform my maniacal, time wasting activities elsewhere.

So, with my marbles lost and my brain batty, I unconsciously begin to brainstorm. Usually I have small thoughts or portions on my mind that don't have enough fluff to make a long enough post (see my many accounts of "bullet-pointed, conjoined posts") or ideas that when I actually WAKE UP 7 or 8 hours later I realize they are boggles.

What's up with my vocabulary today? Maybe it's because there's no food in this house and I'm surviving off a multitude of blueberry muffin-cake that my mom made two evenings ago for my sister-in-law's arrival from Seattle. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, baby!

I think I'm going to vomit.

Anywho, after several weeks, I stop dreading the Internet--specifically my homepage--and face this fiery dart head on. I finally make a post that will let my panging guilt romp free.

I write about how OH, WOE-BE-GONE me has SO MUCH TO DO, which I certainly don't deny but you've got to be getting as sick of it as I am... It's without a doubt easier to hint or allude to recent quote-unquote DRAMAS (how dramatic.) going on in my WOE-BE-GONE life than actually fessing up. Hey, it's the world wide web. I getta do whatever I want!

Then for some reason, I can never figure it out, but after I write that one post, I feel the need to change or edit it a ba-gillion times for virtually no effect. And THEN I have TONS of ideas that seem to flood in to every pore of my consciousness and harass my very existence. My one point of verdict is the fact that I don't like it when you publish two posts in one day and the date gets taken off of the second one because it's unnecessary.

Finally, once I quench my many yearnings to publish countless posts in a single mad minute, I see that pretty much, I don't know, NO ONE feels the need to comment on one until 2 weeks later out of pity. This is particularly despicable because people find it acceptable to TELL ME they read my blog in PERSON but "don't know how to comment" my EYE--and yes, Maria, I'm pointing at you. Look, if I WANTED to talk to you in person I WOULD but OBVIOUSLY I'm posting on my BLOG instead. Suck on that.

As you may have already found, I started this blog when I was a measily, knee-knobbing seventh grader. I apparently felt the need to use as many exclamation points as possible--a need that I believe has transferred into the insane amount of commas I post with--along with being extraordinarily schizophrenic. I can see why nobody read this baby. Wow. Pretty much, I just posted a picture on and screamed about it or demanded that people vote on some who knows what poll. How miserable. Gosh, I was an obbessive child.

Then, I believe (I don't actually have the stomach right now to go back and clarify this) I turned into some emotional, sarcastic, meat-loving, not as crazy poster--as in one that posts. Thank goodness you can see that I've matured and actually SEEN MORE OF THE WORLD. Let me say that TWILIGHT IS A DISGRACE TO THIS BLOG and I CANNOT BELIEVE I SAID THAT I LOVED ALL POP SONGS TO THE EXTENT OF KNOWING EVERY WORD. I was more shallow than I can ever believe, even in eighth grade which was my best year. I really am going to puke.

Anyway, I hope now I've seen the light. Maybe one day I'll look back on this and feel the need to defenestrate my past, but c'est la vie for now. There's nothing more I can do here.

DANG IT ALL. I just thought of the best post.