Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Keep Breathing

What's going on? Eh, not too much. Cousin diagnosed with leukemia. Puppy getting sold (She's been recently introduced to a shock collar, too.) Autistic brother lost his job. People fighting and arguing around you. School starting again. Trying to work a website for my mother's cousin, but the program broke down and the deadline is getting closer. Summer homework pressure. Dance is taking a complicated step... Had to quit piano. After the major company my mom worked for fell through, my mom is just designing on the side. For neighbors and old clients. Self employed. Sort of.

Yeah, not too much really. I know you can't really tell, but my tone is absolutely 100% not bitter. If anything, it's amused. These things happen. I fully understand that.

But even though sometimes things like to get in the way of life, clogging up our flow and lifestyle, we need to keep breathing. Keep going. Press on. We can be desperately confused, sad, or even livid about how things turn out. But these feelings block us up even more. Anger, envy, and vengeance are all emotions that hurt the people around us, while poisoning us from the inside as well. It's important that we don't let them get inside us, and start to instead detach ourselves from the feeling. Look from a non-biased, positive third party on the situation. Are your trials truly somebody's fault?

This is the part where you breathe. Don't look necessarily towards the future. Just focus on now, if it's too hard. Not only live past this moment, but strive. While you're down, see the others around you who may just be facing a situation as well. Even in the smallest and seemingly unnoticable ways, help them, as you would like them to help you.

This isn't some kind of preaching talk. It's not a lecture to you to be better, or else. I'm just trying to share my experiences. These things have really worked on me. Of course, I still fail at my own stuff sometimes, but that's why we even go to church, or serve others, or forgive. To get better.

Now, when I take stock of my recent dealings of cards, I can see the silver lining of everything. Even though my mom doesn't have a full time job anymore, she's actually at home. I don't think she's been like this since I was.... at least two. Since the divorce. It's crazy weird, how you normal people live. And my step-dad got a promotion at the U, so that's good. I'm also getting some really great dance.......opportunities that I'm not supposed to really talk about, so that helps the pain that I might have to quit someday soon. Also, if my mom is really getting rid of my dog (which she is, see then my step-dad and I are pushing that I might be able to get a baby rabbit of guinea pig. Not everything, but some things are looking up. If you keep your eyes open, and in the right place, you can see the small miracles around you. They're the acorns buried in the ash of a forest fire.

Just trust me, when it gets hard. Keep breathing. Even when it's all you can do, it's still the best thing you can do.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


I'm a daydreamer. It's really nice sometimes, actually. If you have a long walk, you can just turn on a movie for yourself and sit back to watch. It can be anything and everything that you want to see. Just relax. Observe. See what you're mind comes up with to entertain your attention.

Daydreaming can become an escape. It lets you stop thinking when you don't want to anymore. You watch your own world, not the real world. Sorta like a drug. Hah.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Interesting Childhood Experiences...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

You Know You're White When....

...You come home from a 2 week vacation in a condo literally on the beach in Oceanside, CA to a sister who asks you, "Why the heck do you not even have a tan?!" Then you show her your previous color ("tanline") and all she can say is "...Oh." And turns away from you.

You know you're white when you sunburn like a squealing pig, too.

Although I did suffer the worst sunburn of my existance on that beach, I endured. It's been probably two and a half weeks since I actually got the burn (first day there, how sucky. I had to wear a t-shirt the rest of the time there in the water and felt like a shmuck.) but I'm STILL red. I'm not joking. It doesn't hurt really anymore, it just itches like mad, but before...heh. Wow. It literally felt like every NERVE was a live wire, and even the lightest touch hurt SO FRIGGIN BAD. Not so good to be that burned with also a combination of a dad's habit of patting his hand on your back every THIRTY seconds.

HOW CAN IT BE AUGUST ALREADY? I have summer homework to do still, I'm dancing 5 1/2 hours a day, working to pay for all of that, doing chores, working on other jobs like making my mom's cousin a fullblown buisness website with seriously hundreds (3) of items to be linked with PayPal, and I go out of town every other week. LET ALONE maintaining a blog. My personal website hasn't been touched since... I don't even know. I have no idea how I'm going to make it to the school year.

That's why I'm trying out some new backgrounds and things on my blog. I'm ready for the new. My blog is so depressing I actually decided to NOT name my post "So Sad..." Like I have a billion times when I haven't posted in eight years. It's sort of like if you see a dead, really REALLY rotting various animal on the side of the road that you decide is so..... dead that you don't bring it up to your family.

Okay, so that wasn't the best analogy.

I'm just going to try again. As I have so many times already. But hey, the train made it, right? With all that chugging, he totally tackled that hill. He probably has some serious lung capacity.