Monday, May 18, 2009

Me? Nerd? Seriously?

Yeah, okay. I guess I'll allow that one. I'm a nerd. After all, I am the one out of my friends who can write in HTML, make my own websites, who fixes other's computers. It's in my blood. My brothers are computer programmers (even though Hamilton is a sk8Tr too, weird mix.) and I hope to go into graphic design or computer advertising, or even web design. One girl yesterday actually demanded to find out why I was so "good at drawing in Microsoft Paint."


But do I see myself truly as a nerd? No. I see myself Au naturale. Complete. But, it's strange how perspective plays a seperate role in everyone's life. Each brain thinks in it's own unique way, and sees in it's own different patterns. It's practically untraceable (weird to say that out loud), the rate that people think. It really amazes me how our thoughts are somehow immediately linked to others. I have no idea how to describe what I mean, (another weird brain thing) so I'll switch subjects.

But yes, perspective.

A friend put in nicely one day a few months ago--she probably doesn't remember this--but maybe it's a hidden blessing sometimes that I get grounded to my house so often (another LONG story to tell. I swear my mom can be quite tempermental at times. It's not my fault!!!) because in the time that people can spend socializing, I continue to move forward. My brain whizzes and whirrs contemplating not only music and acedemics, but psychology and even politics. It really sucks sometimes, it seems like I can never turn it off for a while. But that's just my personality. That's how I think. I'm inquisitive, curious, and at times obsessive over true meanings of things.

So, maybe others see me as a bit of a nerd, while others at first glance see me as a prep (WHY??). I don't care. I'm me. There is nothing they can do. I'm proud of the hours and hours and HOURS that I read and write. And I'm proud of my talents. I'm proud of my years and years of piano, even though sometimes I say I hate it. I'm proud of me.

But as a post note--what's with the modernizing world? It seems like one day I'm in my land, then people start to latch on, act cool, and get their own websites and such. It makes me...upset sometimes. Like my own corner of "special" is being distributed around to clutchy, harried people who don't know how to use technology. Don't get me wrong! I love those people, they are great. It just...worries me. I don't know. Agh, here's an anology. I got a blog. Quite a while ago. I wanted to express myself to... virtually no one, keep a diary for myself. Look back upon what I was thinking 3 years ago. How I was feeling. People looked at me funny sometimes when I would mention a blog, or my font, or my website (I acutally wrote my first one in 6th grade. Can you believe that? I did it the hard way, too. My brother hosted it on his server for a while, he was so nice...) but I wouldn't mind. I'm a mix-y person. I look like a prep (GRR.) but in another layer I'm a nerd, and in the center, I'm me. Me. Overthinking, deep, wondering me. I liked being diverse. I liked having to always leave class in elementary school to go to ELP. But, suddenly, my own diversity is snatched from me. All of my friends have blogs now. My own 'corner' now is being split. Divided. I would even go as far as to say Americanized.

But if people are slowly becoming what I thought I was, who am I anymore?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Speaking Words of Wisdom

Don't you love it when somebody says something that just makes you think and think about the things that you've never even once considered? That makes you open you mind a little wider, lets you see the world outside of your window?

Well, today seems the day for everybody I know to speak incredible words of wisdom (que Beatles song). Can I quote a little?

From Emma's blog:
Did you ever think you may know someone their whole life and never really KNOW them? I mean there are so many secrets we hide and just kind of stash away and hope no one notices. Everyone just goes around pretending like life is fine and stuff, even though we all know that this is going on. And then some people are so concentrated on keeping up their image and facade that they don't notice that other people even have these masks we wear to hide even bigger things. Yeah, we all pretend that we are all "true to ourselves and everyone else" and stuff, but are we REALLY that way? I mean i know a ton of people (who will remain anonymous and who probably wont ever read this anyway) who act like they're all up front with everything and then you find out (through a long and complex process most likely) that they wear so many masks, THEY don't even know who they are and its just a total mess. I mean, I wear masks too, I'm not gonna lie about it. I'm not saying that there's some magical solution to it all or anything. I'm just trying to say the brutal truth about the thing that everyone else likes to pretend doesn't exist. I mean admittedly there are a lot of blogs about facades out there, but has anyone really admitted to wearing one themselves? Because it kind of seems like this is a thing that people likes to blame on others when everyone has one.

From Pam's blog:
In comparison with the universe, humans are very small. I mean, you might think Texas or Russia is big, but it's not. The entire earth in fact, is a mere grain of sand in the vast emptiness of space. Truthfully, if the universe is never ending, we're even smaller than that. But it doesn't feel like that all the time. Sometimes it seems as though the world is crashing all about you, and your problems seem to fill up all that empty space. In (my) theory however, if the universe has no bounds any one point in it could technically be "the center of the universe". Maybe that's why it's so easy to sometimes feel as though we are.

From Flan's blog:
Are we all pregnant??

You may be wondering why I would put this, but honestly, there has GOT to be some reason for all of this teen-angst-drama. It's either that everybody is pregnant at once, or it's just high school. Personally, I'm thinking the first. Which is why I also share from Gracie's blog:


they suck. big time. is it just me, or do ALL boys seem to be PMS'ing ALL THE TIME?! maybe it really is just me, who is being an over reacting baby, but honestly, WHAT THE HECK???

I think Grace framed that quite nicely. Took the words right out of my mouth.


One one bleak afternoon, I got on to my blog to only hear one song - "You've Got a Friend in Me (Walt Disney)". AHHHHHH! I mean, I like Disney and stuff, but WHERE did my MUSIC go? I was REALLY mad.

So, I've had to redo my ENTIRE playlist. . . . Which I have procrastinated for quite some time now. I bet you readers were actually extremely pleased when my playlist died, not having to wait for it to load any time that you wanted to read my [brilliant] posts. Or letting it crash your computer.

So, sorry for all of you people who now would like to run a knife through their most precious internal organs - I've officially recronstructed my entire playlist. I don't have near as many songs as I had, but I think it's nice and slim. Good selection.

Hey, I'm happy. Enjoy!