On Friday, I had the wonderful opportunity to undergo minor surgery to extract my WISDOM TEETH. That's right. All four. All impacted, meaning that they were still in little balls in my jawbone and hadn't yet come out and grown their own roots. They are much more painful to extract that way. I'm sure that you can tell it's been a party around here. THE PROCESS: What I can recall. I flopped myself into the chair, saw Caroline passed out in a cubicle next to me, and made some jokes with the anesthesiologist who laughed with me while rudely sticking a 3 1/2 inch long needle in my hand. And wiggling it around. And digging it in. It looked really gross. Then she started pumping some clear fluid into my veins and I put my head down. I think it took maybe ten seconds for me to go out. Next thing I know, I hear voices. It was really odd because I knew time had elapsed (two and a half hours, actually) but my brain had no recollection to make the assumption off of. I don't think that makes sense. Anyway, I remember giving people thumbs up before I opened my eyes, then finally looking out of the window while my mom told me I had to move to another chair. Then I remember feeling relieved that I had moved/didn't have to move anymore. A few minutes later I opened my eyes again and saw that the window was in a different spot, so I asked/groaned through cotton how it had moved. My mom told me I had stumbled and been dragged over into another chair. Half of my head said.... oh yeah, while the other half didn't believe it. I sat in the chair for a certain amount of time---don't ask me, I have no idea how long. I remember the news was on the TV above me, and I saw that the President of Egypt had finally stepped down. "MUUUH-BRRR-AAAGGHHK! Ehhhhhh Gnnnne!" I remember I kept trying to talk to the ladies all around me about it, and one of them said something about how it would effect the whole world, especially England. Then I remember I was texting and they were all laughing about that. Imagine some old lady chuckling, shaking her head and saying Teenagers. Little Rascals.
The anesthesiologist was jokingly-mad at me because apparently I had made her pretty braid fall out AND she had to miss her lunch break. Caroline and I had the most difficult wisdom teeth that they said they had ever extracted because they were WAY high and tucked away. Caroline, in fact, was lucky that she didn't lose her molars. So they just drilled and drilled, cracked and cracked, dug and dug. My sister said that not only we would have shards of jaw bone up in there for years, but if we got punched or bumped in the face our jaw would break pretty easily until the strength came back. Cheer stunting is going to be FUNNNNNNN. Each of us took a little over an hour, which is supposedly horrifically long. I wouldn't know, of course, but yeah. Then some lady helped me back into the waiting room, where I took that lovely picture above with my mom's phone and sent it to Franny.
Um.... I remember getting in the car. I remember faintly wanting a "VNNNNUUUUHH" (vanilla) frozen custard, recieving it and promptly spilling it all over myself and getting really mad at my mom. Then I remember leaving Designer's Resource downtown (my mom had to pick something up) and repeating, "How did we get here?" while my mom studiously ignored me. I have no idea how I missed the 35 minute freeway drive down TO Designer's Resource, or waiting for my mom while she went in, or the 20 minute drive home from there. My brain just goes: High fived a nurse-->Got in
the car-->Custard-->Leaving design store-->stumbling out of the car and walking into my house.
Then I was mad at another something or other while my mom reminded me that I was going to be a responsible, good patient. She made me get into her bed and turned on the TV. We don’t have TV. Really, we don’t. My mom doesn’t believe in cable or satellite. More than half of our channels are Mexican or Korean or something, and the other half are pure craft and jewelry crap. It really sucked. And the two shows that I was maybe okay with looking at, but not really watching (That 70’s Show and something else I can’t remember) were all fuzzed out. My pain medicine wore off suddenly. I don’t know if it was so painful that my eyes were watering, or if I was crying. But I’ll tell you, she hurt like a B. I just stared at the wall for hours until suddenly my sister Emily was there saying that she could see I was in pain from just looking at my eyes, and suddenly I was swallowing more pills than an addict.
Yeah, so it was fun.
Around nine PM I'm pretty sure my friends came over. I remember playing with the cat, um...... playing with the cat............................ Man, I really don't remember anything else. Shoot. Wow. I have no idea what happened. That's so surreal.
I don't even remember what I did yesterday. All I remember is eating pudding and Evan came over and brought me sherbet, which was sublime and tastes like Fruit Loops. I think I left the house once. Maybe.
Alright. I can’t write anymore. The Lortab is kicking in and I’m too high. I have to go call someone, probably Franny. Stay tuned in for Dem Wisdom Teef: Part II.
UPDATE: Shortly after this was posted, I cut off a chunk of my own hair. I think it was an accident.